Choosing a tantric massage practitioner you can trust

Clear information, respect and freedom of choice matter in any intimate bodywork session. You should know what is being offered, agree on the touch you want and remain free to change your mind.

Receiving a massage can be vulnerable. You may be naked, with someone you have only just met. Your trust deserves to be treated carefully.

Why boundaries matter to me

I have experienced boundary violations while receiving bodywork. Something can feel unclear in the moment, even when you later recognise that it wasn't right.

That experience makes me attentive to the vulnerability involved. The person offering touch has a responsibility to respect it.

What to look for

**Clear information.** The practitioner explains what the massage includes and excludes. Vague suggestions of “extras” are a warning sign.

**A conversation beforehand.** You have time to ask questions, discuss your preferences, choose how covered you want to be and agree on how to communicate during the massage.

**Choice throughout.** You can slow down, ask for a change or stop without explaining yourself. Earlier consent can always be withdrawn.

**Attention to your responses.** The practitioner notices your breathing and physical reactions, and checks with you rather than assuming what they mean.

**Clear sexual boundaries.** The scope of the session should be explicit. Sexual contact is not part of what I offer at Metta-Ji.

**No pressure.** You should not be pushed to accept touch, go beyond your boundaries, pay unexpected extras or book again.

Warning signs

Take it seriously if spiritual language is used to pressure you: for example, being told that you “must surrender” or that a boundary means you're blocking your energy.

Other warning signs include intimate touch outside your agreement, unclear answers, requests for secrecy, or a strong feeling that something is wrong. You don't need to justify that feeling.

A physical response is not consent

Arousal can happen without a wish for sexual contact. It does not change the agreement or give permission for additional touch.

Is tantra the same as sexuality

How I work

I discuss boundaries before the massage and keep checking in throughout. You can tell me what does or doesn't feel comfortable.

We also discuss clothing. Some clients prefer me to remain clothed; others feel more at ease if we are both naked. I follow what we agree. Nudity in this setting is not an invitation to sexual contact.

If someone asks for sexual contact or a guaranteed climax, I explain that this isn't part of my service, preferably before an appointment is made.

Trust your own experience

If something feels wrong, you can stop, get dressed and leave. You do not owe an explanation.

If you're uncertain afterwards about what happened, speak with someone you trust. In the Netherlands, the Centrum Seksueel Geweld offers free, anonymous support on 0800-0188, including if you're unsure how to describe your experience.

Common questions

Are sexual acts included?

Sexual contact is never included in my services. Always ask a provider to explain the exact scope of their work before booking.

Can I stop after initially agreeing?

Yes. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.

Will the practitioner be naked?

Practices vary. At Metta-Ji, we discuss what feels comfortable for you beforehand.

What if I'm unsure afterwards?

Take your feelings seriously. Speak with someone you trust or contact the Centrum Seksueel Geweld on 0800-0188.